between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He has the fingertips of a God
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