were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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