Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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