Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
