Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
