On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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