Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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