My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
