You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
