Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
