Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am one with the molecules
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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