I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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