OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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