I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
