i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
