Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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