Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
