Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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