I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
