I feel great
I just peed on a car
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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