You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
3 2 1 whiskey
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
