guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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