i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
