Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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