big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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