oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
