Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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