OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
