i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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