mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
