this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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