whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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