I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
