Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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