why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I see more hoeing in ur future
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
