Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
