just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
