Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
