It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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