the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think your dad took our porno
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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