i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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