may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
