Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
