My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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