Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
