They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We are all done wearing pants today
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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