Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
