Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
