I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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