thus making me awesome and them whores
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
